Hand of Sorrow
by phoenix-shalimar
Summary: It's hard to grieve in public, I know, because it means that everyone gets to see you weak. At your lowest point. And they extort it, use it to the fullest. They know that you're not as strong as you make everyone think.


**Dislcaimer: **I do not own beyblade, sadly. If i did im sure i would not be looking for a job since i would be really rich.

**Dedication: **This is dedicated to everyone who has ever lost a loved one, wether it be family or friends. Know that they will forever be with you.

_Tala: And a huge thank you goes to Iluvbeyblade or Jellybean for beta'ing this for Nix. Who was worried about how much the ending sux'd and every other aspect of this. She thanks you greatly for letting her know that she was wrong._

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_It's hard to grieve in public, I know, because it means that everyone gets to see you weak. At your lowest point. And they extort it, use it to the fullest. They know that you're not as strong as you make everyone think. _

_It does not matter if you grieve right then and there. As long as you take time to grieve, that's all that matters. Being able to let yourself know that that person is not coming back, is hard. One of the hardest things you will ever do._

His crimson gaze narrowed as he looked upon the small shaking figure. Her head was bowed as tears streamed down her delicate cheeks. She seemd so lost, so alone in the crowd of mourners. She blended in with the multitude of black pillars as they all listened to the soft gently soothing voice of the elderly priest in his black robes.

He leaned against the passenger door of his car, puffing lightly on his cigarette as he watched her silently. Although she never said it, she loved her mother dearly. A frown marred his flawless features as he thought about the women who had caused the azure haired beauty so much pain.

She was cruel and cold, not caring what her daughter did or whom, as long as it had a penis dangling between the thighs. With a low growl he crushed the butt of his cigarette under his boot. How he hated that women lying in the smooth polished wooden box.

He tilted his head back till it hit the edge of the roof of his black hummer, his gaze lingered on the darkening sky and heavily pregnant clouds that threatened to burst, showering everything in a torrent of water. So far, they had held back throughout the day.

Licking his lips, he returned the gaze to the young women who didn't raise her head and acknowlegde the swarm of mourners passing her, leaving her with empty words of sorrow and pity. One elderly lady placed her hands on the trembling shoulders and leaned her wrinkled forhead onto hers. The lips moved but he couldn't make out what was being said.

He felt helpless, she didnt want him there and yet here he was, the distance between them never seemed so vast before.

'I wish I could be there with you, to help you. To be the one to hold your hand, to give you strength to cradle your head as you cry, to let you know you're protected. It hurts me to be so far away when you need help, need someone. No matter what you say to yourself, you need someone to come in and save you. If I could, that person would be me. I'd shield you from the world, I'd hide you from their taunting mocking gazes until you were ready to emerge, and when you were, I'd hold your hand until you felt you were strong enough to stand on your own, and even then, I would be behind you beside you, in front of you and around you, watching you, making sure you were ok.'

He told her those words silently, as he watched her small figure shaking. Soon the people had all dissappeared from sight and sound. She was alone, the wind picked up and she swayed dangerously. His crimson gaze never once left her. Even though she said she didnt want him there, he knew that she did.

She didnt want him to think her weak, but, on the contrary, she was one of the strongest people he has ever known. She was strong because she could let her emotions flow freely without any thought to who might judge her. She let everyone know just how happily in love she was with her subtle touches and gentle carresses to her lover.

A smile spread across his lips as he realised just how in love she was. She would always mean the world to him, no matter what she did. She was his best friend and he hers. He knew all there was to know about her, as she knew all about him. She was the only one he could talk to in the wee hours of the morning when he awokend from a violent and harsh nightmare. She didn't mind one bit when he rang her, no matter how sleepy or tired she was, she would always lend an ear. She would stay up talking to him right through till the sun rose, until she was satisfied that he was alright, and even then she would be over a few hours later, truly making sure he was ok.

-----

Her knees buckled and she fell to the ground, tears blurring her vision, clouding her judgment. She hated that she was crying for a mother who didn't care one bit for her, who only cared that she was raking in the millions with her pop albums and little-girl image plastered on billboards and in magazines. She endorsed a lot of companies, from fragrances to clothing to ... whatever they wanted her face on.

She remembered her 16th birthday, her mother said she had a special gift for her. That gift turned out to be a paid male prostitute, waiting to take her sacred virginity. With or without her consent. It was from that day on that she knew, but she couldn't tell anyone. Especially not her mother. The only person she had ever been able to tell was Kai.

A weak smile came to her lips despite the savage grief that tore through her. Her Kai, her best friend. The smile faded as she remembered her harsh words to him this morning, she had forbidden him to come with her. She told him that she didn't need him, she wasn't a little girl anymore and she didn't need nor want saving! Her chin wobbled as she remembered the hurt in his eyes as he stood looking at her.

She wished he was here now, to comfort her. Truth was, she did need saving, she just didn't want to admit it, didn't want to show _weakness_. She fisted her hands in the grass as anger welled inside her, for herself and her mother. Despite all the things she had put her through, she still loved her.

A loud rumble of thunder reverberated around her, and the flash of lightning that accompanied sliced painfully behind her eyelids. The first plopping of rain hit the headstone, it seemed loud in her ears as every other sound receeded. It took her only a second to realise she was alone. A pang flittered through her heart as she wished more then ever for someone, one person to save her.

The sky seemed to feel her grief and pain as they let the walls down. Rain pelted her and everything around her. She seemed not to feel the stinging pain as the rain sliced at her face and hands. She tilted her head to the skies as she fell onto her side closing her eyes she willed herself somewhere else.

-----

Kai let the rain wash over him as he let her grieve quietly, and alone. Tilting his head to the sky he let the stinging pellets scald his skin, washing away the painted blue triangles that he still put on. He had been meaning to get them tattooed on, but was hesitant to take such a permanent step. He could feel the paint streaking and flowing down his neck. Opening his eyes, he brought his gaze swiftly to the young women lying on her side.

Pushing away from the car he swiftly made his way over to her, ignoring the rain that pelted him sharply. His long legs made quick work of the distance seperating them. Kneeling in the newly formed mud he gathered the small, shaking women in his arms. He heard her small gasp as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap. With shaking, frozen hands, she slid her arms around his neck, burrowing her face into his neck. Resting his chin atop her head, he rocked her gently.

He didn't know exactly how long they had been sitting in the mud for, but had to have been at least an hour and a half. The rain slowly eased up as her shaking stopped. Still he held her in his arms. She needed to be saved, and that was what he was doing. Saving her.

The wet grass and stones sparkled in the fading light, casting an ethereal glow around the cemetary. The slow, even breathing of the women in his arms told him she had exausted herself. With a gentle kiss on the top of her head, he stood up still cradling her in his arms, and picked his way gently through the mud and grass to his car. Holding her tightly with one arm, he opened the door and slowly released her onto the seat. Her arms clung to his neck, almost choking him. With a growl, he released them.

Shutting the door, he walked calmly over to his side and got in. Taking a glance at the still sleeping women, he reached into the back seat and pulled his jacket out. Laying it over her, he silently clipped her the seat belt into position. Turning on the ignition, he clipped his own seat belt on and pulled out of the cemetery.

It took him no longer then twenty minutes to reach her house. The lights were on, a shining beacon in the failing light. Pulling to a stop outside the large Victorian house, his gaze swept onto the sleeping figure. He let his gaze wander down to her legs which were encased in a solid cast of mud. A low growl released in the back of his throat. "Now I'm gonna have to clean my car ..." he muttered softly to himself.

With a sigh he shook his head, amusement dancing in the crimson depths. Taking her in his arms yet again, he shut the door with his bottom and made his way to the small wrought iron fence surrounding the property. It was barely 1 metre high, he just stepped over it and contnued to the front door, where the clanging of pots and a soft voice singing let him know who was in the house.

Puffing a piece of silvery hair away with his breath that had fallen into his eyes, he pressed the buzzer. A shrill noise filled the house that made Kai cringe, could no one think of a better noise for a buzzer? Tapping his foot impatiently he waited as small footsteps thundered to the door, letting him know the person on the other side was wearing shoes.

The petite, bubble-gum haired young women opened the door and frowned as she saw the women in his arms. "What happened?" she asked breathlessly as she moved out of the way to let him inside. "She just buried her mother." The shocked expression on the other girl's face told him she hadn't known. He let a small smile grace his lips as he held her cherry gaze with his. "It's alright, don't feel bad about it." She nodded, yet he knew she did.

He bustled up the stairs without an invitation to do so and laid the small women in his arms on her large canopy bed. He hissed as a memory assaulted him. Of them in this room, together. He shook it away, they weren't together now. He had to remember that.

Turning around, he ran lightly down the stairs to see the women still in the same place, shivering as the open door let in a frozen gust of wind. Taking her by the shoulders, he waited till she focused her gaze and looked up at him. At just over 6 foot, he towered over her. He leaned down so he was closer in height to her. "When she wakes up, get her in the bath, be there for her, Mattie, she needs you more than ever." Mattie nodded in understanding and flung both arms around Kai, who patted her back akwardly, not expecting such a show of affection from her.

"She loves you Kai, you know that right?" her small voice murmured into his chest. He pulled back and placed a slow, loving kiss on her forhead. "But not as much as she loves you, Mattie dear." He graced her with a smile as he left his best friend and ex lover's house. She would be safe, with her lover Mattie by her side.

He would always love her. But no more then a friend, for that was all they could ever be.

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_Hehehehehehehehehehe...Ok well there it is, all done and dusted...Ok so not dusted but you get my point. Anyway i hope you liked it._

_Tala: Well? what are you all waiting for? Go and review it...NOW!! I command you, i am the sex god and i command you to go review or i shall take my sexxiness away forever mwahahahahahahaha_

_(Rolls eyes) You are such a drama King Tal..._


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